Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Vomit in the city

If people wish to be pedantic, the title should really read 'Vomit in the town' because one hundred thousand people doesn't quite equate to city just yet.

Nevertheless my point is that there are some seriously sick people around at the moment. For the last couple of days, every single street that I am walking on has patches of vomit strewn across my path. It is no mean feat trying to manoeuvre with a three wheel buggy and kid in tow.

Two steps further along will inevitably be the poo that is from dog.

Either there are some real bad drugs going around this town at the moment, (in which case my favourite buddies The Ole Bill, need to get into action), or there is just one big, bad mean mo fo running around town winding me up with their smelly arse and bad gut.

Worthing is such a lovely place..

Friday, November 09, 2007

War of the cunts

I haven't written for a while because I have been at war.

He who shall not be named and I have split. He took his Princess daughter with him.

Basically. I threw them out.

He had me arrested in the process.

Before I was pro police (like an idiot I see now).

Now everyday I wake up and shout "Babylon!".

I am suing the police as we speak.

I will fill in the gaps real soon.

Be gentle with me;-)

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Black.History.Month. What is there not to understand?

The whole month of October is Black History Month.

Do I need to write this in capitals or is it easy to understand just like that I wonder?

A 'colleague' yesterday asked me what I was reading.

"Events that are on in Worthing celebrating Black History Month" said I.

"What does that mean, Black History Month" replied the intelligent 'colleague'.

"Black dot History dot Month?" queried I with as raised an eyebrow as I could get.

"Oh. I didn't know."

What she meant was that she did not know that we had any history.


Especially as she has the blondest hair..EVER.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Walkers godamn crisps

I have a serious problem with these crisps. So much so that I found myself ranting on a daily basis about the change to Sunseed oil usage in their creation. WTF?

The final point came when I started to throw away packets of the stuff at work.

I have also seen people do the same thing.

So. I decided enough was enough and I wrote to Walkers telling them about the mentalness of changing the flavour of basic stuff such as Cheese n Onion and Salt n Vinegar. Made me feel better. I did actually tell them that I was too upset to even begin to comment on the state of Doritos because I was too upset.

If I was too upset then. Think how deranged I am about the bullshit response I received below

Thank you very much for your recent email about Walkers Crisps.

We really appreciate hearing from our consumers who take the trouble to let us know their preferences regarding our products. We would never make any changes or additions to any of its product ranges without conducting a
tremendous amount of research.

We did change sunseed for Walkers Crisps in January 2006 and since then feedback from the research carried out has been overwhelmingly positive.

We hope that you will remain a loyal consumer, enjoying many products from our range.

Thank you once again for taking the trouble to contact us with your opinion; it is very valuable to us and very much appreciated.


Ann Harby
Consumer Care Team
Freephone: 0800 274 777

I think they need to change their feedback research team because the word on Average Joe Street is that these crisps taste like a bunch of shite now.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Smoking ban and my problem with it

I smoke. Therefore I am pissed right off. Since Sunday 1st July 2007 when this wonderful law was passed without my or anyone one else's yay or nay. The people that actually count are those who are not voting in The House of Lords or The House of Commons or wherever they do the dirty tango.

I am deranged with the fact that the lack of choice is present. The freedom to choose has been omitted. Not just by humble folk but by businesses across the board. What is wrong with having smoking bars or clubs or pubs (by choice) with some clause that says maybe "don't even think about suing us like them dumb Americans get away with because you knew from the start" type thing?


Everyone would be happy.

On top of all this the knockon effect today appears to be that the Worker Man's Club opposite me has increased in noise volume by 100 percent because they are smoking outside and having a laugh and a natter. This means as a local resident and not as a smoking member of the aforementioned club..I am doubly pissed off.

Think I am gonna call Environmental Bloody Health.


Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Update on Virgin Media


That is when they answered..on a second attempt.

I already rung them once and was holding for about 15 mins before that.


To top it..the customer service agent had an Asian accent and couldn't understand when I told him my phone number..some problem with zero and 0 and nought.

That does deserve a JAYSUS I'm sorry!


That is the verdict.

It's paid now though;-)

Virgin Media customer service

I know this is totally off topic but I am having to test this for my own sanity.

I want to pay my phone bill.

The time now is 22.45.

I haven't got a phone bill to hand with my account number on so am unable to use the fantastic UK phenomena that is the automated telephone-not-talk-to-a-human-being-ever-just-get-deranged-instead-and-scream-at-the-phone-like-a-loon service.


I need to speak to a human that will be able to process me (because that's what I need in my life..a bit of processing).

Just want to see how long it takes for a human to pick up the phone and stop me listening to dire rock music that was never ever cool.

Remember the time that I started this...22.45.

Time now is..22.54

I will be back.

Just doing some messaging with Miss Spice with the phone in my ear at the same time..let's just see how good Virgin Media are eh?

Friday, June 01, 2007

Male aggression and the point of

This question has been on my mind for a week and only increased in thought by he-who-shall-not-be-named's completely insane behaviour tonight.

Last week a neighbour of mine comes knocking on my door in tears because her husband tried to kill her by putting her hands around her neck with attempt to harm.I asked her what she said to him when he did it but she said she said that she told him nothing. Apparently he has done it three times.

Tut bloody tut.

I can't be doing with both her and his behaviour.

I definitely cannot be doing with any man riddled with aggression so bad that it makes me want to retaliate with the same behaviour. I'm not saying that females can't be aggressive, because they can. However, I think a girl can deal with it a lot better when it is, indeed, a girl being psycho mental patient bird.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

What do I do about this girl!

Today has been totally touchy feely day with Miss Spice. I don't know how to handle this girl. She has made me nearly cum in my g-string today I tell ya!

Three meetings in college I have had with this woman and I have been like a num nut. Unable to speak that much. Unable to cope with her stroking me almost all over my body.

Miss Spice says that we are going out this weekend (erm,,think we have heard that before)..I personally think that I will fuck it up completely then. Her words alone is enough "let's get fucked". (cough)..been thinking that for a while there babe.

I've been playing it so far as suggested by the wonderful male advice I have had online but a)what do I do when I am drunk with her and b)am I not becoming a player?..ain't that bad to be a player but I wasn't intending on it!

This is Miss Spice!


Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Jesus.Bible bashers.Laying on of hands.Stop it.

Ok. Cough.

I went to the bizarre place that is The Crap Pub and met another student who knew more about me than myself it seemed. This was probably because the times that she met me before was at Da Shack when I was inebriated with my choice tipple..Wray & Nephew (for those who don't know).

I thought I was in with a chance at first because she is a babe and was drunk in a nice way and very receptive to me but then I found out the road we were travelling on was (cough again), slightly different..

She is 24. Has a boyfriend, that she quickly introduced me to. Kev.

I am very wary of anybody called Kev. Or Tracey. Or Sharon for that matter. But I digress.

When I asked where they met, I was sent on a round the world trip of guesses that did me wrong.

In the end I had to look at their necks as a clue.

Of course this is normal no?

Two big glaring mothers of a cross were staring right at me. Winking even.

You see, this kind of behaviour has to stop.

When I saw this and understood where they met, I turned into the Wray & Nephew Anti Christ Mad Bird.(no hyperlink found in Google there, sorry). She is kinda intense. Scary even.

I did the right thing and said I'm not bothered.(to avoid a grand debate/discussion). You do your thing and I will not comment.

I said.


Them crosses kept glaring and glinting at me. I became more and more agitated in The Ole Crap Pub.

This is not what you need really when you are out celebrating not having to work in the goddamn sweetie shop at the weekend anymore because you have somehow got a life again. Is it?

So. What did I do?

I ranted. I raved.

I did it some more.

You know what she did right in the middle of a rant?

Said "Sorry but I hope you don't mind..' and then layed her hands on me and started saying 'in the name of the Father, The Blah and The Blah di this c.u.n blah" or words to that effect.

Tried to save me. Tried to save me??!!!

No dot ever dot way dot

I feel like I have been cursed. Fiddled with. Whatever.

I definitely feel filthy.

People who do that kind of thing should actually stop.

Or is it just me and I should feel in some way blessed?

Personally....I think.....

How very dare you!

Rush Hour 3 Okay I am smiling

I don't usually talk about films/movies (depending on where you're at) but I am actually looking forward to this release. I have seen the trailers and I was laughing my head off.

The thing is that when Rush Hour 2 finished and you knew that they left it open for another one, well, I was shaking my head in a 'Rocky 9' type moment riddled with disbelief.

I didn't think that it was possible to make me laugh again in a Rush Hour.

Trailers make me think. Different.

Anticipation cometh.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

We Dig Tv For all you 80's gameshow freaks!

Oh this is something most people will love. New thing to do with broadband on the block, type thing.

If, like me, you used to think that you were any good at CatchPhrase (apparently not), Family Fortunes (let's not even go there), Countdown (no way), Bullseye, Blockbusters or The Price is Right, then mosey on down to this fab website.

We Dig Tv.

Oh yeah.

Broadband at it's best.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Paris Hilton. Get.A.Life

You see.

I have missed the wonderful boat that was Paris Hilton.(am sure millions of others did too).

Thank God.

So. I do not give a flying f.u.c. and you know the rest, about her going to jail for 45 days and her begging on Myspace for people to sign an online petition.

I am disgusted by this modern day head up own arse behaviour.

Read about it here.

Paris Hilton must stop.

For all our sakes.

This does justify a "jaysus".

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Miss Spice is back on!

Oh yeah! I don't usually like to react to situations like this but..
Miss Spice mailed me today with the excuse of "sorry but was busy". Fair enough..obviously not for those who know me..but yeah.

I have to thank every man who gave me advice because this has worked. Have been cool and she has come back...reeeeesult!

She is going to call me. She said.

Been all nice to me and going for it but I have remained calm.LOL

Really hard for me but it has got to be done.

Oh what a happy butterfly I am tonight!

Sunday, May 06, 2007

I thought I was Phoebe from Friends

You scored as Rachel. Popular and stylish you're Rachel. You can be a little vain at times but your heart is in the right place.













Which Friend are you?
created with

So 5 percent out then!

Saturday, May 05, 2007

How to comment on a blog

You surf.

You stumble upon a blog.

You like the look of it.

You read quite a few entries but feel there's nothing that you can really add to the thread or point being made.

So what do most people do next?

Click on another blog or set up an rss feed to come back when the blog is updated.

What would be really nice is if the reader left a comment, even if it just says "have a nice day" or "nice blog".

That would be fabulous.

Thanks for reading!

Friday, May 04, 2007

All rise to the booby ladder

I have just been checking out my stats, of which I thought would be appalling considering my lack of writing lately..obviously enjoying the sunshine is my reason. Been checking them out on the wonder that is Statcounter.

However, today I am stunned.

How the fuck does 9 % of search terms lead to my blog for 'booby ladder'? Ok, what it is translating to is the wonderful Sarah Beeny that I tend to drool over from time to time.


Booby Ladder?

I don't think the lady would be impressed.

Frankly, neither would I!

Afterthought..she is still fit..hubby or not!

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

I have messed up already with Miss Spice

Ok. So I'm not particularly happy right now because in the last 24 hours, things have taken a different turn.

I do not know why she is not answering anything from me today. Total blank.

It could be the "she is too intense for me" thing, which I have had all my life. This is why I am well and truly happy with the friends that I do have because I know that they "get me".

But in the last 24 hours, Miss Spice has ignored me completely and I do not know why.

You want to know my mood?

Disturbed. Pissed off. Sad.

Monday, April 30, 2007

I fancy a spicey girl. What to do?

O.M.G. The girl is gorgeous with a capital G. To. Die. For. It is such a relief after Minger Stalker Bird I can tell you. I feel a bit gushy and stupid about this girl though and I don't know how to play this one at all.

The main problem is that she is a student where I work.

I thought she was straight but the signals she is giving me are far away from that. She is 27, which doesn't totally create the teacher/student scenario that most people would fear, but I am still apprehensive.

Thankfully this is her last year at college so if anything I could wait. It would be hard, but I would try. I feel like a dog on heat.

She has asked me out for a drink. Oh yes!

I accepted.

Nothing wrong with going out for drink is there?

As long as it doesn't involve my drink of choice, the lovely Wray and Nephew Jamaican White Rum that is!

I name her: Spice Girl, unless anyone comes up with something better.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Bloody stalker number 2

This is what I have. A minger stalker. This is not something to be proud of. At all. What is wrong with ugly girls, hanging out in pubs, gleefully waiting for everyone, no, anyone to sling their beer goggles on and take them home. God forbid , and do dirty nasty things to them?

I didn't do that. I did get off with her but it was quite bizarre because the whole time I was thinking, "Is she really a minger?" and then looking at her and thinking "OMG.Yes."


She is in love with me.

Stalking the hell out of me.

Men are to blame for this.

They started this behaviour.

We are now officially trained for this bullhang.


Saturday, February 17, 2007

Ooops upside ya head

Following on from everybody has a song and you having to learn how to sing it. That’s what I’m doing. Following on. Beaming up. Slapping down.

Miracles and weird stuff happen all the time. What do we learn from it all. Who knows? Who cares?

I wouldn’t admit to learning. It sounds smug to me.

Feelings are a different thing all together. You can’t really learn from feelings. You can only experience them. That is what they are there for. To be felt. Not learnt from.

I feel that I am only just beginning to learn about the ‘finding of song’ within oneself. You can magnetise a lot in life.

That’s where all the fun begins.

Singing by numbers

Everybody has a song.

You just have to learn how to sing it.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Lynden David Hall - a year on

I went to his grave yesterday and I must say that I am reeling from this visit. I didn't expect to be the mess that I am today. My friend put it to me that when I visited on his birthday last year, it was a celebration of his birth, unlike yesterday which was a reminder (as if I'm gonna forget) of his passing.

I am angry about this death malarkey. It doesn't feel like a year ago. It feels like yesterday, or last week. It feels like now.

What doesn't help is the fact the He-who-shall-not-be-named has not supported me in any way, shape or form since my brother's passing.

I don't know why that is.

Yesterday brought the realisation to me that you know when your marriage is over and that you are not loved, when, on the first anniversary of a death, your partner doesn't ask you once, how you are or is even forthcoming with a hug.

Tough times.

Hurtful times.


Friday, January 05, 2007

'Looking good girl to marry'

Do I look or behave like a 'good girl to marry'?

I apologise for my need for even more idiots in my life by newly frequenting (as of today) stupid networking sites....see below's invitation to marry (again) if I would be that stupid:

HI, U r realy haviing gorgious look, u gain my attention in first sight and u r soo prety and beautiful, I observe from ur profile that if we establish and develop and maintain our relationship u will enjoy my company in all regard i m Single, Hndsome loving and caring, I just want sincere and long term relationship, and i m serious about it and looking for a life partner who could understand me and loving, i hope that ur reply will make a difference on my profile my contact and my e-mail address is there plz contact to me u will find me there wish u best of luck and take care of urself (bcoz someone wants u) zain_z moonstar_zain@yahoo.­??????????com moonstar_z@hotmail if u like call me...00923334232147

...and you already know how much I abhor bad grammar and punctuation