Saturday, February 17, 2007

Ooops upside ya head

Following on from everybody has a song and you having to learn how to sing it. That’s what I’m doing. Following on. Beaming up. Slapping down.

Miracles and weird stuff happen all the time. What do we learn from it all. Who knows? Who cares?

I wouldn’t admit to learning. It sounds smug to me.

Feelings are a different thing all together. You can’t really learn from feelings. You can only experience them. That is what they are there for. To be felt. Not learnt from.

I feel that I am only just beginning to learn about the ‘finding of song’ within oneself. You can magnetise a lot in life.

That’s where all the fun begins.

Singing by numbers

Everybody has a song.

You just have to learn how to sing it.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Lynden David Hall - a year on

I went to his grave yesterday and I must say that I am reeling from this visit. I didn't expect to be the mess that I am today. My friend put it to me that when I visited on his birthday last year, it was a celebration of his birth, unlike yesterday which was a reminder (as if I'm gonna forget) of his passing.

I am angry about this death malarkey. It doesn't feel like a year ago. It feels like yesterday, or last week. It feels like now.

What doesn't help is the fact the He-who-shall-not-be-named has not supported me in any way, shape or form since my brother's passing.

I don't know why that is.

Yesterday brought the realisation to me that you know when your marriage is over and that you are not loved, when, on the first anniversary of a death, your partner doesn't ask you once, how you are or is even forthcoming with a hug.

Tough times.

Hurtful times.