Monday, April 28, 2008

Ommpa Loompah + full moon + me =?

This is a major note to self.

The above combination do not a good combo make.

You know what you are like every full moon.

Do not invite weird, but oddly curious midget sized bi girls who are on heat to your house bearing gifts of copious amounts of alcohol ever again.

Do you hear?

Don't do it.

It will only end up with you snogging the lard off her and making some kind of nasty sandwich.

Stop it.

Get out more.

With immediate effect.

Worthing stabbing, tagging, burglary 2008

I am becoming alarmed, even to the point of quiet hysteria (if there can be such a thing) about the rapid decline in the town of Worthing. Dare I even say my street is getting worse?

I would have thought that two murders on my street is enough for anyone.

I no longer have to buy the weekly rag to get the news.

I just need to walk out my front door. A neighbour will update me. Burglaries, stabbings, drunken teenagers tagging everything white...

I have a problem with all this, but my biggest problem is that someone could have cleared up all the blood all over the bridge (Jacob's Ladder). Very disgusting.

I am making plans to be out of this country by next Summer.

Enough is enough.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Little Miss Oompa lets it all out

The other night I got chatting with Little Miss Oompa and she decided to get all flirty with me on Messenger.

Of course I was horrified at the turn this conversation was going so I chose the direct route and told her she wasn't my cup of tea.

Hey ho.

This only blimming well encouraged her.

Stoked her fire.

She then proceeded to tell me how she would like to kiss me and do unthinkable, let alone unmentionable, things to me.

I told her that I didn't fancy her in 'that way' but as usual fell on deaf ears.

She was not drunk either when chatting with me.

She was drinking coke.

I was, as usual, drinking bad wine.

Just as an aside, to all you 'great wine makers' wanna send me one so that I can have my faith restored in fine wine? Because at the moment, you ALL suck. And getting me in to far too much trouble:-)

I don't have a clue what my next 'move' should be.

Am stewing like a dormant volcano.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Oompa-Loompa - Bet you want one too, like me?


This is what the girl is like. This is what an Oompa Loompa looks like and this is what this minger girl will be called for ever after. Miss Oompa for short. Jaysus. You know when you get stupid ideas that you think are clever at the time? I actually have to admit that this really was stupid.

I am obviously still alive after inviting this unknown girl to my house. But I couldn't find her when I opened the door. You know, me being 5ft 11 inches Amazon woman tall, I expected to meet someone at my eye level at the very least. Okay, maybe shoulder level. But when you open your front door and there is no one there but you hear a voice, you get worried.

I had to look down.

Very far.

To Oompa Level.

I am in shock.

I am in even more shock that this same girl has been to my house on Sunday and yesterday. She has this tone in her voice like she thinks I want to sleep with her.

Please.
N.O. Amount of Beer Goggles could make that happen.

What the hell am I gonna do?

Monday, March 03, 2008

I have a stalker, yes another one

Never, under any circumstances get drunk online and talk to people that are potential (or not) fuck buddies, and arrange to meet them.

Do not give out your phone number, even if it is a mobile.

Don't ever, ever talk to a fat girl. Do not get swayed by a description of 40FFFFFFF infinity.

Really leave well alone if above girl is also an A1 PROPER NO QUESTION MINGER.

I do this all the time. When I am bored.

I put an ad on the Net and get crazy people replying who have not read it. (usually they are men who do this).

The only sane person was this girl.

Then I saw her photo and nearly wept.

I had come across her last year and ignored her, blanked her for all the above reasons.

Why oh why can't I get a babe online? It can't be that hard.

To make matters worse/interesting/mental is that she has just messaged me to ask if I want her to come round and watch tv (not that I even partake in such frivolity).

Guess what I said?

Go on then.




Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Lynden David Hall - one soul brother

I managed to 'handle' Valentines Day with my mum and a close family friend. We handled it with a nice big bottle of Brandy and a bucketful of tears.

This is the perfect way to grieve.


Sunday, February 17, 2008

Worthing timber burn out




So. Worthing idiots/arsonists help in the ridding of the washed up timber that caused the beaches along the Sussex coast to be closed, by setting it ablaze in the middle of the night?

Dumb.

Dumb.

Dumb.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Quality tastes better than quantity

I was just about to click 'create new post' (and add some depressing thoughts about tomorrow but I will hold that for the day itself thank you very much), when my eyes were drawn to my tag line about quality tasting better than quantity.

Got me all excited it did (yes, I can be sad at times, oh yes, very sad).

Because I don't know which idiot would rather eat three mingin pussies than one sweet, pure, juicy, moist, perfumed one(au naturell of course), is really, beyond me.

Pussies are meant to be enjoyed, caressed, nurtured to the point of no return, devoured and ravished until the heavens open, right there, yes, just there;-)



Sunday, February 10, 2008

Pulling

This is the funniest new series by the BBC. There is only one day left on it before I suppose they put up Episode 2 but here is the first one.

I watched this with a girl friend and we laughed out loud continuously.

I laughed until I was crying.

Then I laughed until it hurt.

Then I stopped laughing because I was crying.

It's a girl thing:-)

(Might not be viewable outside UK though)

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Girl and food

I haven't written here for a while mainly because the agony and pain felt in typing because of police brutality (see earlier entries to know what I'm going on about). Only in the last two weeks have I had no pain at all. So. I dare to say that I am back. With a vengeance;-)

Plus food opportunities have been crap until now (more later).

Another reason is that this blog of mine is supposed to be about mainly girl on girl action and..food(not necessarily at the same time mind you!).

Things are looking up.

I answered an ad on gumtree and I think things are good.

The lady in question is black. (remembering that my taste is sooo not black girls). Turns out that she is rather fine looking. Plus she has just written to me in fab German which is a plus factor for me. She is French but living here (albeit briefly) in my current town of residence.

I mean what else should a bi girl do but go for it?

Update on 'other' women in the search..girl who finished college has decided to advertise absolutely everywhere that she is straight and does not contact me and has deleted me from myspace;-)

I never rung her can I just say. She kept ringing me.

However I must say that all the readers of my blog (who comment) were right about her. It just took me a bit longer to see her ways.

Am curious what the feeling is about Miss Paris (who by the way is out and out looking for Princess Charming only.

So no confusion there eh?