Ommpa Loompah + full moon + me =?

This is a major note to self.

The above combination do not a good combo make.

You know what you are like every full moon.

Do not invite weird, but oddly curious midget sized bi girls who are on heat to your house bearing gifts of copious amounts of alcohol ever again.

Do you hear?

Don't do it.

It will only end up with you snogging the lard off her and making some kind of nasty sandwich.

Stop it.

Get out more.

With immediate effect.

Worthing stabbing, tagging, burglary 2008

I am becoming alarmed, even to the point of quiet hysteria (if there can be such a thing) about the rapid decline in the town of Worthing. Dare I even say my street is getting worse?

I would have thought that two murders on my street is enough for anyone.

I no longer have to buy the weekly rag to get the news.

I just need to walk out my front door. A neighbour will update me. Burglaries, stabbings, drunken teenagers tagging everything white...

I have a problem with all this, but my biggest problem is that someone could have cleared up all the blood all over the bridge (Jacob's Ladder). Very disgusting.

I am making plans to be out of this country by next Summer.

Enough is enough.

Little Miss Oompa lets it all out

The other night I got chatting with Little Miss Oompa and she decided to get all flirty with me on Messenger.

Of course I was horrified at the turn this conversation was going so I chose the direct route and told her she wasn't my cup of tea.

Hey ho.

This only blimming well encouraged her.

Stoked her fire.

She then proceeded to tell me how she would like to kiss me and do unthinkable, let alone unmentionable, things to me.

I told her that I didn't fancy her in 'that way' but as usual fell on deaf ears.

She was not drunk either when chatting with me.

She was drinking coke.

I was, as usual, drinking bad wine.

Just as an aside, to all you 'great wine makers' wanna send me one so that I can have my faith restored in fine wine? Because at the moment, you ALL suck. And getting me in to far too much trouble:-)

I don't have a clue what my next 'move' should be.

Am stewing like a dormant volcano.

Oompa-Loompa - Bet you want one too, like me?

This is what the girl is like. This is what an Oompa Loompa looks like and this is what this minger girl will be called for ever after. Miss Oompa for short. Jaysus. You know when you get stupid ideas that you think are clever at the time? I actually have to admit that this really was stupid.

I am obviously still alive after inviting this unknown girl to my house. But I couldn't find her when I opened the door. You know, me being 5ft 11 inches Amazon woman tall, I expected to meet someone at my eye level at the very least. Okay, maybe shoulder level. But when you open your front door and there is no one there but you hear a voice, you get worried.

I had to look down.

Very far.

To Oompa Level.

I am in shock.

I am in even more shock that this same girl has been to my house on Sunday and yesterday. She has this tone in her voice like she thinks I want to sleep with her.

Please.
N.O. Amount of Beer Goggles could make that happen.

What the hell am I gonna do?

I have a stalker, yes another one

Never, under any circumstances get drunk online and talk to people that are potential (or not) fuck buddies, and arrange to meet them.

Do not give out your phone number, even if it is a mobile.

Don't ever, ever talk to a fat girl. Do not get swayed by a description of 40FFFFFFF infinity.

Really leave well alone if above girl is also an A1 PROPER NO QUESTION MINGER.

I do this all the time. When I am bored.

I put an ad on the Net and get crazy people replying who have not read it. (usually they are men who do this).

The only sane person was this girl.

Then I saw her photo and nearly wept.

I had come across her last year and ignored her, blanked her for all the above reasons.

Why oh why can't I get a babe online? It can't be that hard.

To make matters worse/interesting/mental is that she has just messaged me to ask if I want her to come round and watch tv (not that I even partake in such frivolity).

Guess what I said?

Go on then.