Thursday, September 14, 2006

Wedding of the year 2006


Wandered where I have been? What I have been playing at by not writing regularly? Well I have had a few scenarios which have been consuming up a lot of my a) anger and b)tongue usage;-)

First the wedding. September 9th.

Bride and Groom decide to get married. Groom doing it for the second time. Stupidly invites his 'mate' that is also 'mates' with Missus Numero Uno. Maybe it's the fact that Groom and his 'crew' all hail from Essex, but Matey decides to let rip at Groom (in front of Missus Numero Deux) about how funny it is that they meet again at a wedding for the Groom and is Groom really sure that he's picked the right wife this time. Matey continues to let rip, also bringing up things about Groom's kids. I might add that the whole conversation was topped up with Matey poking Groom in the chest with every sentence.

Naturally Groom flipped. Jumped Matey, both on the floor with Groom attempting, quite seriously, to strangle Matey. At this point, a guest separated the two. Like in a Western, both were mouthing off at each other from opposite sides of the Banqueting Hall. Matey must have said something just a little bit extra below the belt, which made the Groom flip again.

This time he throws a chair across the room with the intention of doing damage to Matey. Aim went out the window and hit Matey's Girl (who's tongue had earlier entertained my mouth and lips and...yes..that's another story!). Hit her in the head. She fell off her chair, head split open. Hotel panicking like a good un' called ambulance (Matey's Girl needed stitches) and Police.

Groom went to his hotel suite, fuming, but wanting to consummate the marriage (one can only assume).

In storms Mental Police Man x 10 with a mission.

Handcuffed and pinned to the floor was the Groom. No shirt. Just Pants. Flung him around a shedload. Tossed him in the van. (after more battering). All this by 3 in the morning.


All unnecessary.

Even more so was the morning breakfast (with Groom of course as still in Worthing Nick), which ended up with Matey showing his face, wanting breakfast (with the rest of the marital party sitting there). However Best Matey of Groom stopped that by jumping up and grabbing him by the neck and throwing him out of the hotel.

Shaking my head I am.

The thing that shocks me about all this is that the Groom wasn't even a black man. He is completely white, posh speaking, public school boy type. What if he was black?

Would he be dead now or what?

1 comment:

Stef said...

Good grief, that sounds like, er... Quite a wedding!

Matey had got some balls (or no brains) showing up for breakfast don't you think? Remind me not to invite him to anything. Ever.