Lynden David Hall - a year on

I went to his grave yesterday and I must say that I am reeling from this visit. I didn't expect to be the mess that I am today. My friend put it to me that when I visited on his birthday last year, it was a celebration of his birth, unlike yesterday which was a reminder (as if I'm gonna forget) of his passing.

I am angry about this death malarkey. It doesn't feel like a year ago. It feels like yesterday, or last week. It feels like now.

What doesn't help is the fact the He-who-shall-not-be-named has not supported me in any way, shape or form since my brother's passing.

I don't know why that is.

Yesterday brought the realisation to me that you know when your marriage is over and that you are not loved, when, on the first anniversary of a death, your partner doesn't ask you once, how you are or is even forthcoming with a hug.

Tough times.

Hurtful times.

Nasty.